As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
