I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
