I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Its about making memories worth repressing
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
