found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
