I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
