found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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