I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
