is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
