Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
