Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
