Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
