The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
