I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
