My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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