Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
