Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
