so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
