if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
