Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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