the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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