Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
