pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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