I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
