The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
