I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
