My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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