Will you blow on my dice?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
