Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
