I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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