Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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