god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
