do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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