Just fell off a train. Bad.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
