It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
