my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
