I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
