She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
