It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
