he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
