a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
