She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
