she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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