Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug

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(619): View more from California

So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.

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(917): View more from New York City

Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.

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(406): View more from Montana

The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.

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(434): View more from Virginia

A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!

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(217): View more from Illinois

I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"

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(330): View more from Ohio

You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...

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