and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
