addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
