is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
