I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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