Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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