I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
