Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dignity is for republicans.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
