i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You were trust falling into bushes
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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