just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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